My friend Jeremy took a video of me playing with his stuffed animal while we worked at Vassar in the summer of 2004. I like it because it reminds me of an instance of my life where I was just...happy. And my head wasn't full of crap. Like it has been for the past few days.
I LIKE SQUISHING THE HEADS OF POOR DEFENSELESS PLUSH TOYS!
Anyway...I feel better today than I did, say, Friday night, but I am still in an odd, "Nah, don't really feel like talking to people" mode. Still feel like I'm being a bad friend to some people, but I'm not ready to deal with it. Nor do I feel like pretending I'm 1000% okay. So!
WEEEE SOFT THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!#!@@!#
Does it make sense to hate someone because they hate certain kinds of people?
I get it, and the situation depends on...well, whatever is being hated, but it also seems hypocritical. Then again, it seems like I'm not very smart, so what do I know. Less than half the time do I feel like I hate people and even then it doesn't seem real.
You could never guess why I feel like such an outcast right now.
I'm not depressed; I just don't feel like living. There's a difference, right?
Just getting your attention.
I know I could get more responses to this if I posted it in my LJ, but...for some reason I'd rather not.
How do you forgive a really good friend who did something horrible do you, not on purpose, of course, and who has said they're sorry god knows how many times? I guess knowing the problem would help, but I'm not going to disclose it. Basically, I need to forgive this friend; in the great scheme of things, this is probably not going to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
...But I haven't figured out how to forgive yet. I really want to. This friendship may never go back to normal, but it can go back to...not being awkward, at the very least. If I can forget about all the bad things that happened and that the trust I put in my friend was destroyed for a short period of time without having chunks of my brain torn out, that would be awesome.
Anyone have any advice? Do I just need to get a new heart not made out of stone? I think my heart is rather non-stone-like, so I really hate that I can't get over this...dumb thing. I should be able to. But...I haven't gotten to the point yet. What needs to happen? Do I need to change? Does my friend need to change? Do we need to have a sword fight? ALL OF THE ABOVE?!?! I don't have a sword.
I'm afraid the one way I will feel better about this is if I get in an even worse situation with a friend. It's a sad way to look at things, but it's like...displacing one type of pain with another. ...Wait, isn't that why people cut themselves? Oh god.
Advice? OKAY THNX!@!#!!#@
I rarely had to forgive someone for anything because people generally don't fuck with me. Maybe that's why I've never had to resort to drugs/smoking/drinking to "ease my mind" or whatever reason it is that people do things. However, I do eat a lot. Let's not look into that. It's diet time anyway.
I think Midlake is better known for their more recent album, but I like this one more.
The lead singer of Midlake sometimes sounds a lot like Thom Yorke.
Yes, actually...
I made a mix CD for Serious Eats last Friday. Now I will slowly upload the songs! Yay!
Unfortunately, I haven't seen Band of Horses live, even though I've had a few opportunities. None of my friends are very into them. :(
"Um, what if I don't like it..."
"You'll like it."
It was weird for various reasons, one thing being that our musical tastes only crossed half of the time, two being that we had just suffered a conflict in our friendship and were transitioning back by acting like nothing had ever happened. I thought, "Oh god, I better like it." Popped it in, was a bit "eh" at first. Listened to it some more and was ridiculously hooked. I like his new album even more.
He's amazing live. Go see him if you get the chance!
More mp3s laterrz.
I might not graduate on time.
...[sigh]
I got a notice from the registrar saying I had four missing credits. Huh? Nah. What's up with that? So I printed out a Program of Study form, checked off the courses I've taken, and had some trouble at the bottom part, "Electives by Advisement". I checked off a few and added some courses that weren't listed there. And then...I found out where the missing credits were.
...
Okay, I am not blameless, but when you ask your adviser, "Hey, can you tell me what classes I have to take?" and he tells you "Yup, these two!" and leaves out a few (like the four credits) and then you tell him your schedule to check and he approves its OK-ness so you punch it into the registration thing and you are all registered and ready to go, at some point the adviser could've noticed that "Wait, you have to take more food electives!" Like....just....at any point...[rubs nose]...
Maybe I should stop trusting people.
I don't see any way around this unless I can pull 4 credits of independent study out of my butt. This is very bad, folks. I am pretty sick of school. And I definitely could've gotten these four credits done if I realized earlier "HEY I HAVE FOUR MORE CREDITS TO TAKE." Otherwise I have taken 129 credits, not so bad considering how Vassar credits translated to seemingly nothing in NYU credits.
Man man man man muh.
