question of the day!..not really
Just getting your attention.
I know I could get more responses to this if I posted it in my LJ, but...for some reason I'd rather not.
How do you forgive a really good friend who did something horrible do you, not on purpose, of course, and who has said they're sorry god knows how many times? I guess knowing the problem would help, but I'm not going to disclose it. Basically, I need to forgive this friend; in the great scheme of things, this is probably not going to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
...But I haven't figured out how to forgive yet. I really want to. This friendship may never go back to normal, but it can go back to...not being awkward, at the very least. If I can forget about all the bad things that happened and that the trust I put in my friend was destroyed for a short period of time without having chunks of my brain torn out, that would be awesome.
Anyone have any advice? Do I just need to get a new heart not made out of stone? I think my heart is rather non-stone-like, so I really hate that I can't get over this...dumb thing. I should be able to. But...I haven't gotten to the point yet. What needs to happen? Do I need to change? Does my friend need to change? Do we need to have a sword fight? ALL OF THE ABOVE?!?! I don't have a sword.
I'm afraid the one way I will feel better about this is if I get in an even worse situation with a friend. It's a sad way to look at things, but it's like...displacing one type of pain with another. ...Wait, isn't that why people cut themselves? Oh god.
Advice? OKAY THNX!@!#!!#@
I rarely had to forgive someone for anything because people generally don't fuck with me. Maybe that's why I've never had to resort to drugs/smoking/drinking to "ease my mind" or whatever reason it is that people do things. However, I do eat a lot. Let's not look into that. It's diet time anyway.
Comments
It sounds like your friend doesn't understand how badly you were hurt. Or s/he may be thinking "I apologized and if we're supposed to be really good friends Robyn should just get past this," in essence putting the onus on you. In the meantime, s/he doesn't realize that giving you time is how s/he needs to show just how good a friend s/he is.
It sucks to be estranged from a friend. I've had this situation with my best friend who is now my former best friend. In fact, it was pretty much a severing of ties. While I still think about her and wish we could have reconciled, I don't see how it could have worked out. Too many things had happened that had crossed each other's line in the sand.
On the other hand, my current best friend says hurtful things to me from time to time. I think the most recent episode was when she told me about a girl who died from surgery, and this was a week before I was due to have surgery. I'm sure this situation is not of the same gravity as yours but these little barbs can add up. Most of the time I try to get past her insensitivities and while I'm successful about 98% of the time, I probably stew about and remember the 2%.
I don't think there's a right or wrong answer but you should do what your gut is telling you. If you're not sure right now, then taking a break and focusing on other things and other friends sometimes helps clarify the situation.
Anyhoo - I'm sorry you're going through this because like I said earlier, it really sucks!